Having a tight-knit family when you are a devoted parent is most likely the ultimate goal in your parenting journey.

I know this to be true because it’s so apparent in our culture, yet it seems so unreachable.

You see it in the movies. A broken family trying so desperately for their teenage son or daughter to talk to them, be close to them, and just engage in conversation with them is no small task. They try and try and try, yet the family starts to unravel faster than a ball of yarn discovered by a curious kitten.

How can they become close? Where did it all go wrong? The parents seem so keen on it and will do everything in their power to make it happen, but it usually doesn’t pan out.

You see it in the media. It doesn’t matter if it’s a news story, an article, or a book, the theme of the falling apart family is very prevalent. And when you start to notice it, you start to see it even more.

Devoted parents only want what is best for their kids, that is no lie. But, do parents really know what’s best for a child when the culture is pushing them in the opposite direction?

When the culture is pushing our kids to become individuals and telling them that they can do whatever they want to do in life, how does that line up with a family-focused lifestyle?

Can a child really be an individual with individual activities that separates them from the family while simultaneously being in a tight knit family?

How can we expect ourselves and our kids to form a strong family bond when everyone in the family forges their own separate life?

Sports, groups, activities, and clubs all can provide valuable life skills and experiences, but when they get in the way of building a strong family unit, then where does the value lie?

What does tight-knit mean?

The Merriam-Webster definition of tight-knit is described as “closely integrated and bound in love or friendship.” It’s also defined as a group of people who care about each other and who are very friendly with each other.

A tight-knit family is close. They genuinely care for one another. They put others in the family before themselves. They enjoy one another. They are selfless.

Why tight-knit families are important

If you are a decent human being with morals and values, then you will probably want what most alike people want: a world of peace and love.

This end-goal can be boiled down to the simple idea of building strong family units. When the family is strong, the parents are strong. The kids are strong.

Everyone is loved, mentally secure, and more than capable of spreading that to others outside of the family.

If everyone had values of honesty, gratitude, charity, service to others, loyalty, consistency, dependability, and responsibility, (and acted out those values every single day) then how would the world as we know it be different?

I think you can let your imagination run wild with this.

Building tight-knit families starts with  the simple idea of values, then radiates and reflects into other facets of our lives. This is then passed on to our kids, and then theirs, until the end of time.

Demonstrate and practice family values

If we have no values, then what purpose are we serving in this world?

As a family, if you have no values, then how is this serving anyone?

Setting and practicing family values will serve 2 purposes when building a tight-knit family.

1. It will set up individuals in the family for giving and receiving

2. It sets a precedent in the home about what the family believes in.

It’s no secret that having a strong set of beliefs will give life purpose to anyone. When life has purpose and meaning, we tend to value it more. The more that we value life, the more that we want to make the world better.

See where I am going with this?

A better world starts with a tight-knit family, and making core values and beliefs top priority in your family life is the first step to that.

Want a fun way to display your family values in your home? Download these free printables!

Talk and play with your kids

I know this one might seem obvious, but talking and listening to our kids builds a strong foundation of trust and security.

When our kids learn early on that they can share anything with us, then they will come to us with everything. This all begins when kids are little and their personalities are forming.

A simple act of playing blocks, Barbies, or army men becomes the glue to security and dependability on us.

These moments when they are little are important for building a tight-knit family. They learn to depend on us, their bond with us is strengthened, which leaves trust and dependability as the beautiful end result.

If you kids can truly depend on you, then there won’t be a reason for them to not be close to you.

Make family dinners a priority

This one has been passed around the table (pun intended) for a reason: it’s true.

When life is busy, the one thing that you can do to create a tight-knit family is prioritizing family dinners.

Food. Conversation. Stillness. This is the perfect opportunity to connect with one another and catch up at the end of the day.

If the kids have been at school and you’ve been gone at work all day, this is probably the only chance during the day that you will get this kind of intimate family time.

Which brings me to my next point…

Limit individual activities

This one will probably ruffle some feathers, but it’s worth sharing – especially when we are immersed in a me, me, me culture.

It seems like the pinnacle of a childhood is being involved in as many activities as you possibly can. If you are a loving parent, how can you deny your child the opportunity to experience a sport that they love? A hobby they adore? A club that their best friend is in?

If you have the time and financial means, then why wouldn’t you subject your child to these desires?

These are all questions that I used to ask myself with my own kids. I didn’t want my homeschooled kids living in a box all of their life – I wanted them to have first-hand experience with their interests.

Baseball. Soccer. Football. Boxing. Music lessons. Martial arts. Archery. Metal crafting.

These are all things that my kids have expressed interest in over the years. Imagine if I were to indulge their desires and allow them to be involved in just a single activity and then times that by 4 kids (because you can’t just allow one kid to be involved, that wouldn’t be fair).

Most sports or activities take up at least 2 nights a week. That’s 8 nights in a 7 day week, so there will be some over-lapping here. Then add in preparation and traveling time – what does that leave you with?

I’ll tell you in case you don’t already know.

It leaves you with a disrupted family. Rushed family dinners or dinners on the run. It places importance on the sport or activity, instead of the family. It places importance on the individual, instead of everyone together.

Now, I am not saying that you can’t show your kids that they are special. That couldn’t be further from the truth. But, kids don’t think in the same ways that adults do – they have to mature with their age to comprehend their lifestyle.

When the family lifestyle is placed on an individual, a child can view this as their our individual needs being priority, which leads to selfishness.

And what does selfishness look like as an adult?

I’ll tell you what it looks like as an adult with a family – since that’s what we are talking about here.

It’s golfing every weekend instead of spending time with your kids. It’s coming home from work and throwing yourself in front of the TV or a video game and ignoring everything else. It’s locking yourself in the study to get away from others. It’s thinking that your individual needs are more important in that moment and that the kids can just entertain themselves.

Once that sets in, it’s hard to disrupt. Our kids learn from us and if this is what they see, then how is this serving their future life?

And more importantly, how is this creating a tight-knit family?

Say no to things that disrupt the family

If I’ve learned anything as a parent in the last 12 years, it’s this: saying yes to everything can hinder us from having a close family.

When we are busy all day long and then get requests for out-of-the-home activities and events, it can start impacting our family unit in a negative way. It’s not apparent at first, but over time, we are less connected and on the same surface because our family is constantly being disrupted.

Read next: How busy is too busy? 5 signs you’re doing too much

I am a firm believer in charity, lending a helping hand, and being a servant to others, but if it disrupts the family and prevents us from being close, then how exactly is that being helpful?

Putting others first while simultaneously sacrificing your own family values will just have you going around in circles.

There’s a line that can be easily crossed when you start saying yes to all of the things, and it will look different for everyone.

Extended family outings. Game nights. Neighborhood cookouts. Sporting events. Basically, anything that gets in the way of your family time – especially if your time is very limited to begin with.

The number one thing you can do to be a tight knit family is to be more intentional with your time.

When you live your life with intention (values, schedules, activities, etc.), you will be better equipped to cultivate a strong family bond that makes this world a better, brighter place.