In this day and age, it seems like unicorns are less rare than respectful & well behaved children.
As a mother of 4 boys, I know how kids can be. I have 4 unique children with 4 distinctive personalities. They are not the same in the least. Some like to push the limits, while others sit back and observe their options.
One likes to push and push and push until he tries every trick in the book to get his way. Another will do as he is instructed the first time around without a fight.
My house is constantly stirring. The noise level is always on par with a war zone. There is always one kid “fighting,” AKA play fighting, with another. There is a constant cycle of messes being cleaned up and made again. It’s simply a house of little boy chaos. But, it’s also a house of order, respect, and discipline on all fronts.
I tell you this because there is a difference between normal rowdy kid behavior and downright disrespect and poor behavior.
Play fighting, goofing off, being loud. These are all things to expect from kids and are within the realm of what’s to be expected – and dare I say normal.
Being physically aggressive, talking back, excessive lying. These are behaviors that are alarming and should be dealt with before they get out of hand.
But, how do you deal with bad behavior in children?
Ask any parent that has well behaved children and they will all tell you the same thing: it takes a lot of patience, grit, and work.
Raising well behaved children takes a lot of effort, but it’s worth it in the end.
Would you rather spend the first few years of your child’s life teaching them morals, values, and the proper way to behave so that they can become respectful adults? Or would you rather take the “easy” path while they are young – giving in to their every desire, want, and letting the bad behavior slide? Because if you don’t iron these behaviors out early in life, they WILL carry them into adulthood. Then you end up having a lifetime of hardship.
One of my favorite parenting quotes comes from Dr. Ray Guarendi, family & child psychologist. He often says in his books, videos, and publications that “if you don’t discipline your children, the world certainly will.”
What does he mean by this?
Simple. If you don’t spend the time and hours teaching your kids to be well behaved, then someone else will. Either be a teacher, an employer, and heaven forbid a judge.
Discipline doesn’t have to be this big, scary, negative thing like the world is slowly conditioning us to believe.
The word discipline has a few meanings, which is no wonder why the word gets such a bad rep. But, just as discipline can mean “correcting and punishing bad behaviors,” it can also mean “to train or develop by instruction and exercise especially in self-control.”
Teaching our kids self control boils down discipline to it’s bare bones.
Training them to control their negative reactions to situations and turning into a positive experience slowly starts to become habit. They slowly start to mold into well behaved children.
While diffusing a temper tantrum in a toddler seems out of control and unruly, this is how good behavior can start to from in the younger years.
Discipline comes in many shapes and sizes, and how you discipline your kids will be different for each one of them. As kids all have different personalities and emotional needs, your disciplinary strategy will vary from child to child.
At the beginning of my parenting journey, I read all the books & tips and tricks on how to raise good kids.
I learned many tactics to deal with frustrating times and poor behavior in the early days, but there is one thing that I had to learn on my own. And that was that there is no one-size-fits-all way to teach and discipline your kids. They will each have their own learning curve and have to be taught in their own unique way.
It’s your job as a parent to know your child and what makes them tick so that you can figure out the best course of action.
Nobody said this would be easy. But it is sure worth it!
The days teaching and disciplining your kids will seem strenuous in the beginning. It will feel like an eternity of a push/pull relationship. It might even feel like you are drowning without a chance to come up for air. It will leave you exhausted and ready to crash on your bed every night well before you’re mentally ready to fall asleep.
But, as the days go by, they slowly start to become easier. Your kids start to learn what you expect of them and do as their told without you even telling them.
Then one day you’ll be out in public with all of your children by your side when some sweet old lady will approach you and say “what respectful, well behaved children you have.” She might even give you a hug and thank you for being such a good parent.
That isn’t fantasy by the way. That comes from day in and day out of parenting well behaved children.
So, what’s the secret? What’s the top way to get to this point? The path to getting absolute strangers to notice your children and how well-mannered they are?
It’s simple. Really simple. But I’d be lying if I said it was easy. Because it’s not. It’s the hardest thing you will ever do in your parenting life.
Raising well behaved children requires daily consistency in your parenting decisions.
Meaning, you can’t “punish” your kids for something one minute and shrug it off the next. You need to become committed to what your family values are, what your house rules instill, and enforce behavior that revolves around that.
My entire life I have been an observer, so it comes natural for me to watch other parents with their children while I am out in public. Especially at playgrounds and parks.
I can instantly tell which kids have parents who are consistent in their parenting and who is not. Aside from actually witnessing a wish-washy parent (telling their child no but then proceeding to allow the behavior to continue), you can tell by just the kids themselves.
Kids who are well disciplined treat other kids with kindness and respect. They aren’t bossy. They don’t push kids out of the way to get their turn first. And if they do? Then their parent is right there correcting the ill behavior and turning it into a positive learning experience.
I am not here to tell you HOW to raise your kids in order to become respectful & well behaved.
After all, I am not a parenting professional. It would be presumptious of me to know how you and your child will respond to a certain type of discipline and if it would even work.
What has worked for one kid, hasn’t worked for another in my experience.
That is why you, as a parent, needs to adapt and change your method to each child. The only thing that you need to keep the same is your level of consistency!
Don’t tell your kid one thing and then do another.
They will only learn that you don’t do what you say and say what you mean. Eventually, this becomes a HUGE problem because why would your kid listen to you when they KNOW that you won’t follow through?
The bad behavior cycle will only continue because they know that they can get away with it.
Just as you need to be consistent with your diet & exercise to lose weight & be fit, you need to be consistent in your parenting so that you raise well behaved children.
Personally, I think this is exactly why there are so many misbehaved kids. Because being consistent isn’t easy and now more than ever, people are looking for the easy route in EVERYTHING in life.
Anything worth having takes hard work and dedication, and your children are worth it!
Will you do what it takes every single day to raise them in a way so that they can become a positive influence in our world? Because only you can do this.
Decide, commit, and follow through.
Then, prepare to have a multitude of old ladies flocking to your side and complimenting you on your well behaved children – because they will.