Nobody on this earth is immune to unwanted parenting advice.
At the core, this type of friendly insertion into another parent’s life can seem harmless, but it can have a much greater impact than what is intended.
I’ve been a parent for just over 11 years, and these are my thoughts on how unwanted parenting advice has molded my role as a Mother.
Before I got married, I was told to wait awhile to have kids and enjoy the time I had now with my husband so to build a strong marriage.
But, I didn’t listen.
I got pregnant right away and we were thrilled. Marriage isn’t easy and having kids can make it more tricky. But, we are stronger as a couple now, 12 years later, because of the hardships we have encountered along the way.
When I was pregnant, I was told that I wouldn’t be able to have a natural childbirth and just plan on getting an epidural.
But I didn’t listen.
Instead, I listened to my body, trusted my birth team, and had a completely natural birth without the risks of using interventions. It was such a positive experience for me and my baby that I went on to have 3 more.
When he was a newborn, I was told to let him cry himself to sleep so I could get more sleep at night.
But, I didn’t listen.
Instead, I snuggled my baby and cherished every little moment I had, rocking him to sleep. Now he is 11 and those years of rocking and snuggling are long gone and all I have left is that memory.
Later on, I had been told to not hold him too much or he would become spoiled.
But, I didn’t listen.
Instead, I held my baby when he cried and let him fall asleep in my arms. He is now a grown boy and the most polite kid you’ll ever meet.
When I was nursing my baby, I was told to put him on a feeding & nap schedule so he’d be happier.
But, I didn’t listen.
Instead, I let my baby eat when he was hungry and sleep when he was sleepy. He was literally the happiest baby you could have known, so naturally I have followed the same practice with all of my babies. They are all happy & healthy to this day.
When I had my second, I was told to put them in their own rooms or they wouldn’t learn how to become independent.
But, I didn’t listen.
All of my boys share a room and it’s been a very positive relationship-building experience for them. They tell each other stories, are there to comfort each other, and stay up late telling jokes. They wouldn’t get to create these moments if they were alone.
When my boys got older, I was told that they all need to be involved in extra curricular activities or they will grow up to become socially awkward.
But, I didn’t listen.
Instead, we decided that family time together was more important than juggling sporting events and being broken up with our schedules. And if you know us in real life, then you know that my kids are far from socially awkward.
When my toddler would scream and throw a fit, I was told that he needed more physical disciplinary action.
But, I didn’t listen.
Instead, I found a way to help him through his feelings without spanking. He has definitely been our most difficult child, but he has taught me as a Mother that children just need to be heard and helped. Sometimes, they just need to be rescued from their own feelings and taught how to react when something that they face is challenging.
When they got older, I was told that they should go to public school so that they can learn the ways of the world and interact with kids their age.
But, I didn’t listen.
Instead, I homeschooled them and let them interact with a more diverse age group throughout the day within a controlled and safe environment. They will have plenty of time to learn how the world works, but this is not the time in their life where it’s pertinent.
And as they continue to grow, I’m sure that I will be given even more advice.
Although I know that a lot of the unwanted parenting advice I have received over the past 12 years has been in sincerity, I am glad that I didn’t always listen.
I’m glad because it helped me understand Motherhood for what it truly is.
I’m glad because I was able to learn how to best serve my own kids.
I’m glad because I stepped into the Mothering role that I was meant to, without outside forces persuading me.
All in all, I became a better Mom because I followed my own internal instinct – that Motherly intuition & gut feeling that doesn’t need advice, persuasion, or guidance. It’s there, like a flame, unwavering to any outside force that tries to put it out.
If I have any unwanted parenting advice to give you, it’s this:
don’t let that flame die & don’t allow others to try to put it out.
Your children are your children for a reason and they need you to be confident in the decisions that you make for them.